“A Mental Shift is required if we want to go
from fear to faith, from scarcity to abundance,
from being average to being awesome.”
― Malcolm Johansson
If you have ever tried to garden, you know that making mistakes is an inevitable part of the process! For years, I have read books on farming, urban farms, homesteading and etc, and every day I am still learning so many new things. It has been really inspiring watching other gardeners make mistakes and grow from them. Seeing how far they came in a few short years reminds me to stay motivated.
Side note: One of my favorites is Jess from Roots and Refuge . Before we moved into our home and started a garden, I watched R&R’s videos ALL THE TIME! Since the time that I started watching to now, the Roots and Refuge farm has grown tremendously!
I can get caught up in perfectionism and the fear of making mistakes, but let’s be real. We cannot live life to its fullest and most amazing extent if we let the fear of failure control us. It is in failing that the sprout of a new idea can emerge.
“If pain does not lead to growth and character, you have wasted your suffering.”
― Nicky Verd
I am in no way saying that reframing your mindset and accepting failure as a learning opportunity is easy. There are things that have happened to me that I know I will question how it could possibly be a moment for self-evolution for a long time. I will have patience with myself as I find the meaning behind the situation.
One situation that weighed heavily on me was the birth of my first baby. Long story short, I wanted SO BADLY to have a natural birth and instead, I faced physical and emotional abuse from a nurse. I felt defeated and powerless when I caved and asked for an epidural at 10cm. Knowing what I know now, I was most likely 20-30 min away from delivering my son. I just didn’t have the support I needed.
Today, I am a Birth and Postpartum Doula that provides birthing people with the support I needed so badly 7 years ago. Not only did I grow from what at the time I felt was a failure, but birth work is now my life passion. If I had not had the experience that I did, I would not be where I am today.
“The mind is just like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets and the more it can expand.”
― Idowu Koyenikan
Learning how to grow from failure takes time and just like with everything else, practice will make it easier. Fortunately for us, there are so many ways to practice! One of my favorites being gardening.
Gardening is great practice for using a growth mindset. A good thing about gardening, other than the obvious, is that the price of failure is relatively cheap. A pack of seeds costs between .99 cents to $5. That entry fee is pretty low! If you accidentally mess up the soil or water too much or little, you can learn from your mistakes and improve next time, Bonus, the mistake cost you just a few dollars. I think it is a special type of magic that we can grow as individuals right alongside our gardens.
It is crucial for our children to witness us failing from time to time. Our failures are an opportunity for us to model for them that failure is not a ‘bad thing’ as well as how to grow from it. While reading Dr. Shelia Tsabary’s book, ‘The Conscious Parent‘ I learned that when we prevent our kids from seeing us fail & use the failure as an opportunity for growth, they can actually develop a MASSIVE fear of making mistakes. They see their parents as god-like humans, incapable of making mistakes and they, naturally, want to be like their parents/role-models. Yet, when they never see their parents make mistakes, it makes them feel like they do everything wrong & will never be able to accomplish the goal of being perfect. Which we know is an impossible goal in the first place. It’s important to set our children up for success by not modeling perfection (& not expecting perfection from them as well).
When you change your mindset around failure, not only will your children grow, so will you! When something you didn’t wish to happen occurs, ask yourself, “How can I use this struggle for higher evolvement?”. Dr. Tsabary says that “It’s a matter of not allowing our identity to be defined by the events in our life. Instead, we understand that it’s how we either respond creatively or react negatively that defines our fate.” Also, the Dalai Lama teaches that in life there are no ‘good or bad’ life moments. Life is simply life and moments will be good or bad depending on your own perception. Can you imagine all the ways you could grow and evolve if you reframed your mindset?
It is in becoming comfortable with little failures and evolving ourselves that we can practice our ability to learn and grow from much larger mistakes. If we can step beyond the fear of failure, we can meet Life where it is. If we can step beyond our need for perfection, we can grow like our beautiful summertime gardens, thriving in the sunlight of our acceptance, nurtured by patience & love.